hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
