Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
