i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
