It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
