DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
