Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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