I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
