actually, I'm a sock model
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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