Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
