there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
