I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
