I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
