We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
