I wish they made helmets for livers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
