I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
