But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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