I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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