worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will be naked everywhere
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
