Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
