shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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