i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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