So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
