Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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