I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
