I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
