just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
