I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
