but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
