Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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