I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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