There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
