You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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