I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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