brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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