When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
