no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
