My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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