dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
