I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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