I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
