At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
