Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
