There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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