i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
