i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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