Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
