"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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