I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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