We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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