Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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