doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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