Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
