im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
