did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
